Can ‘Sex’ Send You To The ER?
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Can ‘Sex’ Send You To The ER?

Lakshmi Devan
3 min read

Can ‘Sex’ Send You To The ER?

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The answer is yes, but that you could’ve easily guessed. The more interesting part is HOW.

I studied in a convent school for 14 formative years of my life, and I distinctly remember the shrill voice of my principal, who regularly told us something along the lines of, “If you have sex, you die”. I do not recall her exact words, but how can one expect me to?! Lord, if what she said was true, I would’ve been a dead woman long ago. On second thoughts, if what she said was true, then I wouldn’t have been born in the first place!

So we obviously know from my parents’ experience, and that of everyone else’s, that if you have sex, you don’t die…except in a few exceptional instances, when you could almost die; with the emphasis on the word ‘almost’ here. My question is – Can ‘sex send you to ER’, like the TV show says?

The answer is yes. But you knew that already; what you’re here to know is how, and I am going to tell you just that…in 3, 2, 1:

1. Penile fracture –

The truth is that even though they’re called boners, penises don’t have any bones. Wondering how they get so hard then? Thanks to vessels called corpora cavernosa, that engorge with blood to make erections happen.

Think of it as an inflated tube, that becomes firm because of internal pressure when filled with air. Corpora cavernosa is protected by fibrous coverings called tunica albuginea, and fractures happen when an aggressive blunt force hits these coverings, during sex or masturbation. The chances of this happening in sexual positions with the woman in control are more, and you will immediately know, from the popping/cracking sound (of the tissue tearing). This will be followed by black-and-blue bruising, and, of course, lots and lots of pain. You will have to rush to the ER immediately, my friend.

sex sent me to the ER
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2. Cock ring gone wrong –

A cock ring is placed around a penis, usually at the base, primarily to slow the flow of blood from the erect penile tissue, thus maintaining an erection for a much longer period of time. A man may wear an erection ring in cases of erectile dysfunction (ED), or purely because the wearer likes the particular sensation of tightness and extreme engorgement. Cock rings come with an instruction to never be worn for more than 30 minutes.

Rings that are too tight, or worn for too long, may cause priapism, which is a medical emergency that can result in severe and permanent damage, including penile gangrene, that may even require an amputation of the penis to limit the spread of infection.

3. Too much sucking –

When your partner is the master of oral sex, and wants to impress you, you may end up with an aubergine penis. Even though that is nothing but a ‘love bite’ on your penis, this capillary haemorrhaging should be a cause of concern if it doesn’t disappear in a week. In 2011, a woman in New Zealand suffered a minor stroke due to a clot formation from her partner sucking on her neck, which led to paralysis in her left arm.

4. Bites and bones –

A sex toy company called Lelo conducted a study on the most common sex-related injuries that land people in major trouble, and took everyone by surprise. 2 of the top 10 injuries that happened were bites that got infected later, and broken bones. I can still imagine infected bites (geez!), but you’ll be appalled at the bones that are broken most often – toes, fingers, and ribs. Weird, right?

sex sent me to the ER

5. Back door entry –

The anus is a highly vascular area, and so penetration can cause lacerations, tears, and bleeding – called fissures. These open wounds not only serve as sites of STD transmissions, but if these wounds bleed too much or for too long, they will also need quick medical intervention.

6. Lost and found –

Whether it’s a condom or a sex toy, anything that goes into any of the orifices is considered a foreign object. And sometimes, the objects that go in don’t come out, and seem to be lost somewhere in there. Doctors suggest waiting for the vagina to relax after intercourse before a final attempt is made to retrieve the lost comb, cucumber, carrot, pickle, dildo, pen, pencil, bottle, glow-stick, *insert here more objects of your choice, pun unintended*. In cases where the object isn’t found, a trip to the ER would be much required.

sex sent me to the ER

7. Little accidents here and there –

This list should’ve been over already. God, how dangerous is sex? Well, not very. It’s just that a few very unlucky people land themselves in trouble every now and then, while ‘experimenting’.

The other miscellaneous things that have happened to such people during sex include pulled muscles, concussions, vaginal bleeding, and sore testicles. All these things have landed people in the ER time and again, if not the ICU.

That’s all folks, enough accidents for today.

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