The Dating Mistakes to Avoid in 2019
Let’s all be honest for a minute: whether it’s 1926, 2008, or 2019, love will always be a silly thing. Love will always give us butterflies in the stomach and giant farts in our brain, so all our cognitive abilities are compromised.I don’t know what people had in mind when they coined ‘love is blind’, but every time I hear the phrase, I get reminded of the worst mistakes I’ve ever made in love. I cringe.
But, does that mean that we’ll give up? Hell no! I sincerely believe that in this heartless world, love is the one thing that’s worth fighting for. So, we shall march on…on the many paths of mistakes, heartbreaks, and wisdom.
But, I’m going to save you time on the ‘mistakes’ part (you’re welcome) by warning you to not make these mistakes in 2019:
1. Don’t be too romantic…or too cynical.
Easier said than done, I know. The truth is, if you look at every potential partner through heart goggles, it is but natural that you will lose rationality. Similarly, if you go to a date with a sceptical mind, you will end up overthinking, over-criticising, and turning yourself mad. So, here’s the simple solution: Don’t expect anything. No first dates ever turned into a lifelong companionship. Remember, there will be a first, second, third…maybe even a thirteenth date. All you have to do is enjoy the experience without any preconceptions. One day, you will realise that not only did you find your life partner, you also had fun along the way.
2. Don’t wait till you’ve reached ‘x’ weight or accomplished ‘y’ to find love.
If you think that the only thing stopping you from finding the love of your life is your current ‘situation’…then you’re looking for the wrong kind of people. Anyone who loves you for your weight, education, salary, so on and so forth, does not love you for you. Such people will flee the moment you hit a rough patch- the time you need them most! So, find someone who likes you despite your little quirks and flaws, and love them back in the same way.
3. Don’t date just because everyone else is.
I know many, many amazing people who chose to stay single and continue to live a wonderfully happy life. Do they regret it? No way! I’d say they’re ahead of the game because they’ve got no commitments, school fees, or mortgage to worry about. They earn a ton of money and spend it on exotic vacations and spa treatments for themselves. I’m not saying that one life is better than the other; all I’m saying is that different people want different things from life. So, just because your friends are getting married, shouldn’t mean that you should rush into a relationship like a bird into a plane.
4. Don’t take rejections as failures.
Did you have your exes break up with you? Well, I know that it can be a huge blow to the heart and self-esteem, but you have to know (and it is the absolute truth) that rejections, no matter how many, don’t equal failure. Sometimes some people cannot make you happy and vice versa, and that’s all right. Just because tomato is a fruit, doesn’t mean you’ll add it to your fruit salad, right? Therefore, the key is to constantly remind yourself to leave the past in the past.
5. Don’t try to be perfect.
Nobody is perfect, so you don’t have to be. Pretending to be perfect right from the start only ends up causing you pain later. You’ll have to keep up the act, and can you imagine how much pressure that is for a person? Do you bite your nails? Tell him. Do you hate cats when he is a big cat person? Just be honest. Trust me; your partner will respect you for it.
6. Don’t wait for the love of your life to come to you.
Are you waiting for the love of your life to run into you? Well, then you’ll be waiting all your life. It is the 21st century! There are dating apps by the dozen and socialising is ten times easier now than it was a decade ago. So, you don’t have to wait for 3 dates to have sex or for him to ask you out first. Throw away that Cosmo and play by your own rules.
I just want to leave you with a reminder: Just because it didn’t work out in the past doesn’t mean that you’re doomed forever. Have you heard of the phenomenon called ‘gambler’s fallacy’? The gambler's fallacy is the belief that the chances of something happening with a fixed probability become higher as the process is repeated. It’s a common psychological belief system that we apply to our daily lives without even realising, but the very reason it’s called a ‘fallacy’ is because it’s not true. So, maybe 5 past relationships didn’t work out, but that’s all right. You, my friend, are not broken. You are precious and unequivocally worthy of love.