6 Tips For First-Time Sex
Are you nervous about losing your ‘virginity’? Don’t you worry, for I’ve got your back.But firstly, I’d like to clarify that the concept of virginity is total BS. It’s a social construct that serves to commodify women. Having sex for the first time, whether before or after marriage, does not mean anything other than the fact that you’ve had sex. That’s all it changes! Much like, how before college you did not have a graduate degree, and now you do. It’s simply one of many new experiences in life.
Losing this thing called ‘virginity’ does not mean losing anything at all. It does not decide your worth – make you a ‘player’ or a ‘slut’. But of course, that doesn’t mean that first-time sex does not carry heavy emotional value for the partners involved. Especially because of decades of societal conditioning, we still have a tendency to view ‘virginity’ as pure or precious, and in doing so, we are being manipulated by the society into following useless gender norms.
But if you can hit ‘delete’ on all that BS in your head, then nothing can come in the way of you having a great first-time sex experience. There is nothing to be afraid of…as long as you are of the legal age and have a partner who cares for you; trust me. Since the first few times, sex can come with some discomfort for the women, just till they figure out what works for them – I highly recommend doing it with someone you can trust, as opposed to a random guy you met at a drunken party.
On that note, here are my top 10 tips for first-time sex:
- Consent is key. Are you ready for your first time sex experience? Good, but make sure your partner is as enthusiastic too. A vague ‘yes’ won’t do. With sex, consent is everything, so make sure your partner is 100% as eager as you. Not 80, not 90 – it has to be 100%.
- Chances are, it won’t be perfect the first time. It’s a new feeling altogether, and it can be anything from euphoric to disappointing. So, don’t be quick to dismiss it. Sex is more of an acquired taste…more for some than the others. My advice: Give it 4-5 patient, optimistic attempts before you reach a conclusion. You will ease into it and begin to enjoy it greatly.
- Do not compare yourself with others. Your friend might’ve loved her first time, but that doesn’t mean you have to. I know 40-year-olds who still struggle with penetration, so there is nothing wrong with you. Simply put, every body and its reaction to sex is different.
- Don’t skip mentioning that it’s your first time. The constitution doesn’t say that you have to, but I highly recommend that you do. You see, the first few times of sex should be handled carefully. The whole rip-off-all-clothes-and-get-bonking might just end up hurting both the partners and spoil the experience for you for the rest of your life. So, being honest is the best way to ensure that you’re both on the same page in terms of expectation and execution.
- First, some foreplay…and then some more. Foreplay helps a woman’s body become aroused. This helps the vagina dilate and lubricate abundantly to facilitate a smooth penetration. Without foreplay, sex might be too painful for women. I personally like to keep it at least 30-20. So, 30 minutes of foreplay before an average 20-or-less minutes of penetration. This has saved me and my friends a lot of soreness. Try it out for yourself!
6. Use your tools. There is no shame, only pride, in being thorough with condoms and lubricants. Some guys will tell you, “Oh, I don’t feel anything with the condom on, so let’s go without.” To them, you should say, “Oh, I don’t feel anything WITHOUT a condom, so let’s keep it on, okay?” Be very stern. If you feel like he might be put off by it, well then he wasn’t a keeper in the first place. He was a J-E-R-K. Good riddance!
It’s normal to worry about your ‘performance’ in bed, especially if it’s your first time. But what matters more, is how much effort you are willing to make to please your partner. To that end, communication is paramount. Ask them, “How does that feel?” or “What would you like next?” and go with the flow. Nobody, and I repeat, NOBODY ever came out with flying colours the very first time. It takes a lot of mistakes to finally figure out your groove. Sex isn’t a smooth sailing journey, y’all. It has its fair ups and downs…but it’s worth it. With that, I wish you good luck for your, er, new adventures.