5 Tips To Rebuild Trust After An Affair
The thing about infidelity is that it always starts out harmlessly. A little flirting here and there to remind yourself you’re still desirable may suddenly spiral down into a dangerous game of lies – all this until you are caught in a final climax filled with anger and shame.That’s when the realisation hits that you’ve sabotaged an invaluable thing – your primary partner’s love and trust. You wish there was a ‘Ctrl+Z’ option in life, but the truth as we know it is that there isn’t. The damage done may or may not be irreparable and only time will tell you about it. But, if your partner has decided to give you a second chance, then you are one lucky human being, my friend. Not everyone gets this chance. So, there is hope as long as you are willing to work for it.
Coming back from such a situation may take a colossal amount of effort (and patience) by the cheating partner. Then again, you owe it to them.
Trust can be rebuilt and the relationship can be reinforced to be stronger than ever! All you need to do is keep in mind these 5 tips to rebuild trust after an affair:
- Offer a shoulder to cry on: You’ve literally broken your partner, emotionally and mentally. While it might be difficult to put in words, what they must be going through – they would still want to share their feelings with you – all the hurt, frustration, and resentment. They deserve to let it out and you are the best person to hear them out. It is natural that they will vacillate between hatred and forgiveness, but you must not give up. Proffer them your heartfelt compassion and amnesty. Don’t be shy to apologise and share how your own actions have made you feel.
- Put their needs before yours: Right now, your partner is very vulnerable. It is impossible to discern what they must experience, but it is possible to make them realise again that your relationship is worth salvaging. Treat them the way you would in the early days of courting. Ask them what they need. Remind them you’re there for them no matter what. Assure them that you want to work through it together. Let romance and kindness fill up their schedule. This is the time to realise how much you would lose, if you were to lose them.
- Prepare yourself for a non-linear journey: I’ll be honest; some days it would feel like you’re taking 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. Bouncing back from deception is seldom smooth. There will be a lot of hiccups and the journey will be bumpy at best, but if you think your partner’s love is worth it, then you must brave it.
- Begin to practice the 3 A’s of a relationship: Attention, Appreciation and Affection are the pillars of a successful relationship. These are often the missed checkpoints where most relationships go wrong.
5. Avoid dirt slinging: It is common to feel overwhelmed by guilt and be tempted to start blaming the innocent partner for “their part” in pushing you to cheat. Granted; the relationship before might have had its own ups and downs, but NO ONE forced you to cheat. That is completely on you. Hey, mistakes happen and this doesn’t make you the worst person on the planet. But remember, no matter how devastated you feel by your feelings, avoid letting negative thoughts and action take place.
I will leave you with a reminder…because times will get tough and you will need to revisit this many times. But you’ll make it, my friend. Don’t give up just yet! To rebuild trust means to rebuild your credibility. Just as this would be an arduous rite of passage for you, it would be a painful journey towards healing for your partner. So, remember to be patient and persevere, and magically with time, your relationship will heal and find a new balance.